Issue #23: JLo Gets Right, Wolf No More, & What I'm Hate-Watching
The Six-Month Anniversary Issue of Obsessed!
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Obsessed! Six Months and Counting!
Obsessed! was launched six months ago today! 🎉
I wrote about Lil Nas X in the first issue, and I am proud to quote him to mark this day.
"I wouldn't be where I am right now, in my life and my career, if I weren't delusional.”
Pausing my social work career to take a shot at entertainment writing certainly felt delusional!
But guess what? In the last six months, I have gathered a significant following of readers and writers who share similar interests, engage with my writing, and motivate me to keep moving forward.
I love sharing my silly obsessions with you, giving you reasons to laugh and opportunities to pause and reflect.
Thanks to Mom, Dad, and Mandi for your ongoing support and encouragement; I couldn’t have survived the last six months without you. Special thanks to my Hype House crew, Valerie and Anna Marie, Jen, Tanya, Alanna, and Jame. Your practical and emotional support, enthusiasm for my obsessions, and promotion of my work mean the entire world to me. 💖
So, how will I start this six-month anniversary issue?
With JLo, of course!
JLo Gets Right
She was gone for one month, and I was hungry for her. After her Marry Me media blitz, JLo left me (and Ben) to film The Mother on location in Spain. Ben jetted over to the Canary Islands for a visit while I remained on my couch, proving that he is, indeed, the better future husband.
Ben (or Benji as I like to call him) is not my adversary; he is my co-JLover, ensuring that JLo’s basic needs are met when I can’t be there for her. For example, fresh upon JLo’s return to Los Angeles, Benji fired up the Tesla and took her to a McDonald’s drive-thru. I didn’t know I needed a JLo-McDonald’s combo, but I’m lovin’ it!
JLo feasted on a McDonald’s cheeseburger and then FED us with a jaw-dropping performance at the iHeartRadio Music Awards, where she received the Icon Award.
This performance is a feast of my obsessions! Pose’s Billy Porter emcees the opening ball, RuPaul’s Drag Race’s Kerri Colby wears JLo’s actual 2019 green Versace dress, and a whole cast of RPDR queens showcase JLo’s most iconic looks. If that isn’t enough, Ms. Lopez starts her performance with “Marry Me” and then SLAYS the stage with “Get Right” like seventeen years didn’t cost a thing.
I SCREAM EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS!
Look at Benji beaming and clapping for our co-lover, with Jen’s daughter, Emme, and Ben’s son, Samuel, at his side.
It looks like Bennifer is getting it right this time. 🥰
Wolf No More
ExYe Kardashian was silenced this week, giving other Kardashian associates a chance to shock and awe.
Ms. Kylie Jenner seized the moment and posted one of the most confounding social media posts in recent memory, reneging her infant son’s name.
Wolf Jacques Bermon Webster was born to Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott (legal name Jacques Webster) on the magical date of 02/02/2022; there is a birth certificate to prove it.
When I heard that the couple named their baby “Wolf,” I thought of two people: 1) Wolf Blitzer (CNN news anchor) and 2) Wolf Van Halen (son of rocker Eddie Van Halen and actress Valerie Bertinelli). Of course, those references show my age, but I had a little giggle and moved on.
The internet did not move on. Kylie and Travis were mocked for choosing the name “Wolf,” generating an online flurry of memes, including this one:
Recognizing the fluidity of life and identity, I am here for a name change. I have personally socially changed my name, and I am one of the only entertainment writers who consistently uses Ye over Kanye.
What I do object to is Kylie gaslighting her fans by saying, “I keep seeing Wolf everywhere.” She is the one who named the baby and made the name public, and now she is shaming everyone for using the name Wolf without providing a new name! WTF?
Also, as a pop culture historian, I want Kylie, Travis, and everyone else to know that this “Wolf” name is no big deal. As someone who lived through the 2004 scandal of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin naming their baby Apple, I assure you this is nothing. There are other Wolfs (Wolves?), but there are no other Apples.
The OG celebrity Wolf publicly displayed his relief that Wolf Webster is no more. His tweet made me howl!
Wolfgang Van Halen was born in 1991, and his name was the first celebrity baby name I remember seeing mocked in the press. Sure, I had to ask my mom to pick up People and US magazines from the grocery store, but I remember those glorious shiny pages as if I read them yesterday. Wolfgang eventually shortened his name to Wolf, proving that Baby Boy Webster didn’t have it all that bad.
Do you know what would be bad? Stormi singing “Frère Jacques” as a lullaby to her brother! Let’s hope that Kylie and Travis do not use Baby Boy Webster’s middle name as his first!
What do you think Kylie and Travis should name their baby?
What I’m Hate-Watching
Oscar-nominated and winning stars like Renée (my wife) Zellweger, Amanda Seyfried, Anne Hathaway, and Jared Leto have hit the small screen, but DO NOT BE FOOLED by the star power — the shows are not what they seem.
All three series are based on podcasts about real-life crime and fraudsters, but the retellings do not add much value to the stories.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not hate-watching all three of them or don’t have anything to say about them — you know me better than that!
My reviews are not entirely objective, so I am adding the Rotten Tomatoes scores so that you can laugh at my ridiculousness and then make informed decisions about your viewing future.
The Thing About Pam (NBC, Tuesdays, 10 ET / 7 PT) - starring Renée Zellweger. Rotten Tomatoes: Rotten 48 %
In 2011, Pam Hupp (Zellweger) murdered her best friend, Betsy Faria, and successfully framed Betsy’s husband for the crime.
The storyline is compelling, but the tone of the series and Zellweger’s portrayal of the murderous housewife are baffling. Dateline journalist, Keith Morrison, provides narration and commentary throughout the episodes but the presumably meant to be serious tone sounds tongue-in-cheek. Similarly, bogged down by a fat suit and heavy facial prosthetics, Zellweger squeezes out a campy performance that suffocates the charm that Hupp reportedly used to (almost) get away with murder.
Not wanting to see my beloved Renée face further embarrassment, I bowed out after three episodes.
I wrote this blurb on Tuesday afternoon and watched the next episode that night, giving in to my hate-watching habits.
The Dropout (Streaming on Hulu and Disney Plus, new episodes released each Thursday) - starring Amanda Seyfried. Rotten Tomatoes: Fresh 88%
I refuse to drop out of this true-life drama. Despite my overall ambivalence, I am five episodes into this eight-episode series.
Elizabeth Holmes (Seyfried) is the CEO of the biotech startup Theranos. When a promising and lucrative blood-testing technology proves faulty, Holmes launches a cover-up, deceiving investors as long as she can. She is eventually found out, charged, and convicted of fraud.
This story is interesting, but I could have Wikipedia’d it and been satisfied. The only thing holding my investment in this series is Amanda Seyfried’s acting.
Instagram followers know that I have a long-standing, petty dislike for Seyfried. It all started when she was (mis)cast as Cosette in the 2012 film adaptation of Les Misérables, and I have not moved on…until now.
Seyfried’s portrayal of the drunk-on-success-and-green-juice entrepreneur is captivating. She successfully uses nuanced facial expressions, vocal inflections, and physicality to convey Holmes’ initial earnestness and eventual desperation. There are gems like this scene where Holmes awkwardly tries to make up to her love interest by dancing to Lil Wayne’s “How To Love.”
WeCrashed (Streaming on Apple TV+, new episodes Fridays) - starring Anne Hathaway and Jared Leto. Rotten Tomatoes: not enough reviews for a critics rating, 73% Favorable Average Audience Score
I am one hundred percent hate-watching this series. My petty dislike for Amanda Seyfried is nothing compared to my hatred for Anne Hathaway and Jared Leto. I have not recovered from Hathaway being (mis)cast as Fantine in Les Misérables, and before you label me as a jealous theatre bitch, I assure you that I am not — I wanted to be Eponine.
Moving on to Jared Leto, I will never forgive him for his portrayal of trans woman, Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club. That atrocity occurred in 2013, but I have not forgotten. Plus, he generally annoys me and even frightens me a little bit. Anyway, I digress.
Adam and Rebekah Neumann (Leto and Hathaway) are a power couple who created WeWork, the real estate company that offers flexible and shared working spaces. Adam’s belief in his vision and Rebekah’s brand of spirituality seduce investors and employees. But money and power launch the couple into the stratosphere of self-delusion, leading to a meteoric crash.
Apple TV+ released the first three episodes simultaneously, and I burned through them, hate-watching every second. I am fixated by Leto’s Israeli accent, which is reportedly spot-on, but all I hear is the “Italian” echo of his comedic portrayal of Paolo in House Of Gucci. Not to be outdone, Ms. Annie deepens her voice well below sea level for this role, leaving me completely gobsmacked.
Alluring aspects of WeCrashed include multiple replays of Katy Perry’s “Roar,” hilarious references to Rebekah’s real-life first cousin, Gwyneth Paltrow (look at Gwynnie getting two mentions in Obsessed!), and Jared Leto in full-on rave attire.
I want to say that I would have been wiser than the WeWork investors and employees, that I would have been on to the Neumanns’ bullshit from the get-go. But, here I am, three episodes in, signaling that I would also be powerless to them.
Are you watching any of these shows? Let me know what you think!
Dear Jared Leto,
It appears as though we are characters in a trashy romance novel. We have come to the chapter where the lady can no longer deny her love for the dashing, pompous ass — she must have him. I’m not a lady, but you are definitely the dashing, pompous ass, and I must have you.
I’ve been dragging you on my Instagram Stories for months, purporting to hate every one of your outrageous Gucci looks.
My followers, who are of the lady variety, keep messaging me, defending your honor, and telling me that I am being unreasonable.
This week, after my WeCrashed binge, I suddenly saw you differently. I went utterly Gucci, Gucci, ga-ga over these two looks.
And now, I am inexplicably smitten.
I hate you. I despise you. I must have you. ❤️🔥
xoxo Bex
p.s. If you want to entice me to see Morbius, a movie about vampirism, you will have to up your magazine spread game — this isn’t good enough.
Ask Zoë Kravitz and Robert Pattinson for some pointers — they know what needs to be done.
I’ll See You On The Flip Side Of The Oscars!
The Oscars finally air on Sunday!!! The broadcast is on ABC at 8 ET / 5 PT.
I didn’t do a pre-Oscars issue, but I will be doing a full Oscars round-up early next week!
Oscars Sunday is my birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and summer vacation rolled up in one!!! I CAN’T WAIT!!!
If you want to check out some movies before the big day, my friend Alanna recently reviewed and ranked nineteen Oscar-nominated films! So check out her recommendations and subscribe to her Substack newsletter, Why’s World. She’s brilliant!
If you enjoyed this issue, show me some love 💕 and buy me a coffee. ☕️
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Happy obsessing!!!!
xoxo Bex
If you liked this post from Obsessed!, why not share it?
YES! Your thoughts on J Leto, from hatred to admiration back to hatred are spot on. Velvet suit or not- we will not be forced to accept this man! I can't wait to hate watch We Crashed so that we can discuss ! Just just double subscribed with my second email to celebrate your 6 month anniversary!!! Huge congrats, Bex!!!
HUGE congrats on six months of Obsessed!, Bex! I love the Lil Nas X quote to start this off so much. Also, I still can't bring myself to start WeCrashed, and I actually love Anne—that's how much it perturbs me. I can't wait to read your Oscar coverage!