Issue #15: From Euphoria To Doomcoming
plus, Ye Says Pretty Woman, Jamie Lynn Spills, and Celeb Couples Shock
This week’s entertainment news accelerated at a velocity that rivaled Nate Jacobs’ maniacal, booze-fuelled pedal to the metal ride of terror. I was a titillated and stunned Cassie, gripping the arm of my couch, bracing for whatever was coming next.
We’ve had three celebrity deaths; distinguished actor Sidney Poitier, ‘America’s Dad,’ Bob Saget, and trail-blazing lead singer of The Ronettes, Ronnie Spector. Ye and his new ‘girlfriend’ pulled a peak celeb stunt, and Jamie Lynn Spears got her precious airtime on ABC. Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly got engaged, and Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa called it quits. Award Season is ripe with antics, and some of the most popular television shows are mirroring collective chaos with jaw-dropping storylines. All I can say is, “Damn.”
The Yin To Ye’s Yang
There’s been a whole lot of cray, and at the forefront is Ye. I hate giving Ye West attention, but I feel compelled to document this celebrity stunt because it is the first of its kind. ICYMI: Ye “met” Uncut Gems actress Julia Fox at an NYE party in Miami, and they had an “instant connection.” Days later, Ye took the Balenciaga-clad Julia on an NYC date to see Slave Play on Broadway, followed by dinner at hot spot Carbone. He then took Julia to a hotel room filled with $100,000 worth of Diesel’s Spring 2022 and Pre-Fall 2022 lineup and encouraged her to try it all on. A photographer accompanied the duo throughout the evening, capturing every moment. Two days later, Interview Magazine published Julia Fox’s essay, “Date Night,” her account of the “real life Cinderella moment,” complemented by a PDA-packed Diesel photo spread.
This whole situation would give me major Pretty Woman creepy vibes if I thought that this was “organic” as Julia Fox claims it to be. But, this is Ye, and where there is a Ye, there is a stunt. Julia Fox’s sudden appearance is rumored to be the outcome of a girlfriend audition. If you want to go down the rabbit hole of that theory, here is the TikTok with the goods. Julia is most certainly aware of her role in the game of 1) taking eyes off Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson (and Kylie and Travis), 2) making Kim jealous, 3) bolstering Ye’s busted ego, and 4) promoting Ye’s ongoing collaboration with Demna, creative director of Balenciaga. She also knows that her association with Ye will inevitably elevate her own status.
Julia might actually be the yin to Ye’s yang. She has engaged in plenty of head-turning behavior in her life and career. Unfortunately, there is too much to unpack, so I will refer you to Rodeo Break’s Substack newsletter for a brilliant deep dive into Julia’s past, including details about her art exhibit featuring pieces painted with her blood. Stunning and cray. Just like Ye.
When Will I Matter?
Jamie Lynn Spears spilled, and the #FreeBritney movement will be out for her blood. Ahead of the release of her memoir1, the younger sister of Britney Spears gave an exclusive interview to ABC Nightline’s Juju Chang in which she spoke about her own childhood trauma, mental health, and Britney’s ongoing instability.
Jamie Lynn claimed that when they were younger, Britney became paranoid, grabbed a knife, and locked herself and Jamie Lynn in a closet. She also reported that more recently, Britney became angry, got in her face, and screamed while Jamie Lynn was holding her toddler. Jamie Lynn’s twelve-year-old daughter had to intervene. Jamie Lynn went on to say, “[My parents] told me that I shouldn’t be upset. Like, I can’t upset Britney. I said, ‘You just saw me and my children be upset. When will I matter?’”
And, there we have it. Jamie Lynn is acting from her emotional wounds. She longs for the world to know that she is also a victim of deeply rooted family trauma. Jamie Lynn shared that when she became pregnant at the age of sixteen, her parents and the media machines around her tried to convince her to have an abortion. When she refused, they sent Jamie Lynn to a cabin where she did not have contact with the outside world. In the interview, it is unclear how long this hideaway was. What is clear, is that Jamie Lynn sees herself as being as helpless in the face of the powers that be as Britney is.
Jamie Lynn addressed the conservatorship, her lack of understanding of it, and her attempts to help Britney, but her answers were vague and unclear. She also consistently said that she loves her sister, does not understand the rift between them, and wants to repair the relationship.
Honey, this is not the way to do it. Jamie Lynn’s emotional responses to questions about her relationship with Britney did appear to be authentic. Still, by publishing this memoir and airing Britney’s darkest moments, she is remixing the toxic cocktail of love, trauma, and profit that the whole Spears family has been drunk on for years.
Those are my thoughts, but what do you think about these latest developments?
Willow Pill’s Bath Toys
After that, we could use a cleanse with some humor, even if it is a bit twisted. Willow Pill’s entrance look on RuPaul’s Drage Race, Season 14, Episode 1 had me clocking her as bland, boring, and pedestrian. I have become so used to drag queens being over-the-top and in-your-face that I did not see this willow thing sneaking up on me at all.
Her talent show performance started innocently enough as she appeared in a white robe, lip-syncing Enya’s “Only Time” while sipping red wine and filling a bath with bubbles. As the performance went on, Willow poured some wine into the tub and sat down at a bistro table for a gluttonous helping of spaghetti and meatballs. After a few sloppy, hand-fed bites, she got up and added the leftovers to the bubbly and winey bathwater. Next came a disrobing and the baring of Willow’s pale, fragile body in pink lingerie. Finally, from behind the bathtub, she produced a bread-filled toaster, took some chomps out of the bread, and unceremoniously threw toast and toaster into the bathtub, only to leap in after it, presumably to her fictional demise.
In the Before Times, I would have scoffed at this routine. But after two years of on-again-off-again lockdown, I read that routine the way some read Shakespeare. It perfectly captured our societal attempts at futile self-care, the permission we have to numb with carbs and substances, and the ongoing struggle to physically and emotionally stay alive. Despite its fatal ending, this bizarre performance gave me life!
Award Show Shenanigans
I count on the razzle-dazzle of The Grammys, The Golden Globe Awards, The Screen Actors Guild Awards, and The Academy Awards to get me through the hazy shades of winter in Toronto. But the 2022 Award Show Season is in disarray, leaving me in distress.
Omicron busted through and messed with The Grammys, causing the January 31st event to be postponed indefinitely. Thanks for killing one of my joys, Omi!
After years of ugly white privilege and other unethical practices, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association rightfully got called out, causing NBC to pull the plug on broadcasting The Golden Globe Awards. On Sunday, members of the HFPA went ahead with a private event, messily announcing the winners via social media.
It had already been an emotionally volatile evening for me as I was just coming off the high of the Season 2 premiere of Euphoria. So when Instagram informed me that Nicole Kidman had won the Golden Globe for Best Actress - Motion Picture Drama for her portrayal of Lucille Ball in Being The Ricardos, I thought I must be at a Euphoria-style house party sniffing white powder off a washing machine. What?!? I’m sorry, Nicole was good, but she was up against Jessica Chastain, Lady Gaga, Kristen Stewart, and Olivia Colman! This win completely shook the foundation of all that I thought I knew to be true.
Then, on Wednesday, The Screen Actors Guild announced their nominees. Kristen Stewart was missing from the Female Actor in a Leading Role - Motion Picture category. I felt personally attacked! Kristen Stewart’s portrayal of Princess Diana was the most compelling performance of the year (for my impassioned review of Spencer and Kristen Stewart’s performance, click here). How am I supposed to cope with this injustice towards KStew?
With a ceremony date of March 27, 2022, The Academy Awards are still a long way off, so I have time to prepare myself for another postponement or further faulty nominations.
On Wednesday, ABC announced that the Oscars would have a host for the first time since 2018. Craig Erwich, President of Hulu Originals & ABC Entertainment, voiced his confidence in the Oscar’s Executive Producer’s ability to choose a suitable host when he told Variety Magazine, “Will [Packer] really has his pulse on popular culture and entertainment.” Uh oh. This proclamation can only mean one thing…
“Hey, it’s Che Diaz.”
I wrote the above paragraph last night and laughed at my own joke. The joke was on me when I woke up to this headline.
Why didn’t I see that one coming?!?
I Didn’t See That One Coming: A Theme
Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet extinguished what little belief I had in lasting love by announcing the end of their relationship on Instagram last night. The couple has been together for sixteen years and married for four.
Momoa’s post read, “The love between us carries on, evolving in ways it wishes to be known and lived. We free each other - to be who we are learning to become.”
The only way that this separation is acceptable to me is if one or both of them comes out as queer. Otherwise, I am having none of this.
And Then We Drank Each Other’s Blood
I do not care about Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly or their engagement, but I thank them for giving me material to wrap up my chaos-themed newsletter. These two stunt queens announced their engagement via Instagram last night. In July 2020, they met under this banyan tree and blah, blah, blah, magic, MGK asked Megan to marry him, and Megan said yes.
…and then they drank each other’s blood. 🩸
(no joke)
Take Me To Doomcoming
Real life has become so chaotic that I find myself reveling in adrenaline-inducing television. In the midst of these mad times, two of TV’s most popular shows, Euphoria and Yellowjackets are wielding mercurial plots that transcend the lunacy of real life, and honestly, I am here for it.
Give me a gangsta grandma shooting up a dangling dick john, a bathroom horror show, and a beer bottle to the head.
Let me relish in watching bad-ass Juliette Lewis smash a vending machine with a fire extinguisher. Take me to Doomcoming, and let me release all of my crazy through stranded-in-the-wild, high-on-mushrooms teenage girls howling at the moon.
Apparently madness is the only thing that makes sense.
Title unmentioned on purpose so as to discourage sales and profits.
It’s all too much!